150 Things Portgas D Ace is NOT allowed to do
by WittyPiglet
Summary: The division subordinates are getting mighty fed up with Ace's antics. What better way to deal with him? Make a rule list of course! Only Ace has some thoughts about the rules.
1. Rules 1-15

**Chapter 1**

There

Right there on the mast of Adam's Oak wood was the first list. Maybe Ace shouldn't have pissed off his division subordinates...or the nurses...or shipwright, or cooks, or blacksmiths...Or anyone for that matter.

 ** _The following rules apply to Second Division commander "Fire Fist" Portgas D. Ace. There are to be no exceptions. Please realize that breaking a rule will result in harsh punishments from your own division, as well as any other involved divisions._**

Well, two could play at that game. He'd start a damn message board on the rule sheet.

 **1.) Do NOT hide "Macy" from Rakuyo no matter how funny he looks searching for her. He has serious abandonment issues.**

Ace: _Awe, come on. That was FUNNY._

Rakuyo: _It was NOT! I looked all over for my Macy! From stern to bow, from starboard to port! I even ventured into Izou's room! I saw and endured horrible, horrible things Ace!_

Ace: _It couldn't have been that bad in Izou's room..._

Izou: _Oh no, I tormented him all right. Warning to all: Don't interrupt my beauty routines._

Rakuyo: _*Whimpers* I refuse to let my Macy out of my sight now._

 **2.) DON'T use your powers on something just to "see what would happen".**

Ace: _In my defense, it was for science._

Marco: _You tried to set fire to a combination of Izou's and Curiel's experimental gun powder, yoi._

Ace: _...Science?_

 **3.) STOP wasting bandages from the infirmary to "become a mummy". Curiel is already stressed enough as it is. He doesn't need to run around like a headless chicken looking for missing supplies.**

Ace: _I think that headless chicken reference would work better for Marco._

Marco: _Enjoy the extra paperwork in your room Ace. I told the other commanders you would handle their's._

Ace: _Oh, Gods damn it._

 **4.) STOP wasting toilet paper by doing this. Seriously, we need it Ace.**

Ace: _It wasn't that much guys, come on._

Namur: _You wasted 15 rolls, Ace..._

Ace: _..._

 **5.) Just DON'T waste any supplies to become to be a mummy.**

Ace: _Now what am I supposed to do for Halloween?!_

Izou: _Geisha?_

Haruta: _Match?_

Curiel: _Watermelon?_

Vista: _Magician?_

Thatch _: _Stripper?__

Izou: _Thatch?!_

Thatch: _What?_

Ace: _Going with Thatch's idea!_

Marco: _Now look what you've done, yoi._

Thatch: _Sorry, not sorry!_

 **6.) STOP accusing Marco of filicide when you see him eating an omelette, or any other egg related dish, for breakfast.**

Ace: _But he is!_

Marco: _I don't even lay eggs! I'm a man last I checked._

Ace: _That's what they all say._

 **7.) DON'T accuse Marco of cannibalism either when you see him eating chicken or turkey.**

Ace: _Marco's a bird. Chicken and turkey are birds. Seems like cannibalism to me._

 **8.) You also CAN'T accuse Namur of cannibalism, he is a shark fishman. Of course they eat fish and meat, Ace.**

Ace: _It's not my fault I'm surrounded by cannibals!_

Namur: _We. Are. Not. Cannibals!_

 **9.) STOP** **falling asleep during a meeting and blaming it on your narcolepsy.**

Ace: _*insert crude drawing of angry face*_

 **10.) STOP falsely blaming anything on your narcolepsy.**

Ace: _Sometimes it actually is my narcolepsy though!_

Jozu: _Even when you fell asleep during a supply run last time we stopped at an island?_

Ace: ... _Yes...?_

 **11.) DO NOT push the "big, shiny red button" in Marine bases ever again.**

Ace: _How was I supposed to know it was an alarm?!_

Marco: _It had the word 'ALARM' on it!_

Ace: _Your point?_

 **12.) You can NOT "have a mutiny" because you're bored again. Even despite how amused Pop's is.**

Ace: _But it gets so booooorrrrriiiing sometimes. Mutiny's aren't boring!_

Pops: _I've got agree with ace there brats. They're quite amusing._

Ace: _Yay! Pops joined in on our message board of "things Ace is totally allowed to do"!_

Izou: _That's not what this is!_

Pops: _Gurararara._

 **13.) The saying "it is better to ask for forgiveness than to get permission" does not apply to you in any way, shape, or form.**

Ace: _But you guys forgive me, right?_

Ace: _Right?_

Ace: _Guys?_

Ace: _Please?_

 **14.) Whenever you do do #13, you better damn well ask for forgiveness.**

Ace: _Guys? Come on._

 **15.) You will end the prank war between your division and the fourth division.**

Ace: _But I'm winning!_

Thatch: _Like hell you are!_

Izou: _Which one of you needed some make up?_

Blenheim: _Even I know this isn't going to make them stop._

Haruta: _I can't believe I'm saying this, but the war has gone too far. STOP ENABLING THIS IZOU!_

Pops: _Gurararara_

Haruta: _YOU TOO POPS!_


	2. Rules 16-30

**Chapter 2**

 **16.) For the LAST time,** **Pop's is not a "sugar daddy", and you must stop referring to him as such.**

Ace: _I beg to differ._

 **17.) STOP setting things on fire strictly for the amusement of setting things on fire! Blenheim does not like replacing what you burn.**

Ace: _*Insert pouty face*_

Marco: _It amazes me how you can be so much more childish than Haruta or Thatch._

Ace: _Shut up!_

 **18.) STOP making your division to sing ' _We will rock you_ ' at enemy ships.**

Ace: _But did you see their faces?! Priceless!_

Curiel: _It really was funny._

Kingdew: _Until they began firing at him._

 **19.) You will STAY 10 yards AWAY from Vista's plants at all times.**

Ace: _It was an accident!_

Vista: _An accident that nearly destroyed my babies!_

Ace: _If those things are your babies, then I don't want to meet the mother._

 **20.) STOP stealing and hiding any and all hair products belonging to either Thatch or Izou.**

Ace: _Who knew their hair was so long when they weren't styled._

Thatch: _You're a dead man Fire Fist_

Ace: _Awe, come on. It was hilarious._

Izou: _You can't hide forever, Portgas._

Ace: _Uh, I'm sorry?._

 **21.) Rule #20 also applies to Pops and Vista's mustache wax.**

Ace: _Okay, THAT WAS THATCH!_

 **22.) STOP using Izou's lipstick as "war makeup". He gets all prissy when he runs out before we reach land.**

Ace: _All I need now is a bow and arrow!_

Izou: _STOP TOUCHING MY COSMETICS!_

Ace: _...But I like to look pretty, can you help me then Izou?_

Izou: _Oh, of course! First we need to find you proper clothing for you!_

Jiru: _I...can not believed that worked._

 **23.) STAY away from any beauty products on the ship.**

Ace: _Izou...?_

Izou: _Come by my room._

Rakuyo: _Stop the enabling Izou!_

Izou: _I don't enable him._

Pops: _You actually do son, it's almost as bad as Marco's enabling._

Marco: _Oi!_

 **24.) STOP checking the crow's nest after Marco has look out duty. There won't be, and never will be, any eggs.**

Ace: _Is it wrong to want to help out the fourth division by getting them fresh Marco to table eggs?_

Marco: _I don't lay eggs!_

 **25.) The crow's next is NOT Marco's roosting spot, stop referring to it as such.**

Ace: _How bout Marco's nesting spot?_

Marco: _I'm getting sick of all these jokes..._

 **26.) Marco does NOT hide his "children" in Thatch's hair.**

Ace: _He could, Thatch's hair is the size of his head. It probably could hide a human baby in it too._

Thatch: _You're just jealous that your hair looks like you cut it with a knife._

Izou: _I cut his hair!_

Thatch: _..._

Ace: _Run._

 **27.) NO challenging Marco to "Who's flame is hotter" contests.**

Ace: _Mine totally is though!_

Marco: _I beg to differ._

Ace: _Wanna prove it then?_

Marco: _Anytime, anywhere yoi._

Thatch: _Fight, fight, fight!_

Blenheim: _I refuse to fix the deck afterwards._

Thatch: _No fight... *sad face*_

 **28.) NO stripping to "show off the goods".**

Ace: _I just wanted to show off my awesome tattoo!_

Namur: _You took you're pants off too..._

Haruta: _And you're tattoo is on your arm..._

Ace: _..._

 **29.) Vista does NOT hide rabbits in his hat, stop asking for one.**

Ace: _But he pulled flowers out of his hat!_

Vista: _Flowers, not a living animal Ace._

Ace: _Tomato, Tomahto._

Marco: _You're impossible..._

 **30.) STOP burning people's clothes because you think the clothes "don't work". Fossa is still looking for you.**

Ace: _In my defense again, Fossa should thank me for getting rid of that vest. Come on, Izou. Back me up here._

Izou: _This is one fashion problem I'm staying out of._

Ace: _Izou, at least hide me!_

Fossa: _Don't you dare Izou!_


	3. Rules 31-45

**Chapter 3**

 **31.) Just because you can touch Marco when he's in his phoenix form does NOT give you the right to try and ride him like a "majestic steed".**

Ace: _*pouts* But whyyyyy?!_

Marco: _I'm not a horse, yoi!_

 **32.) You can NOT attempt to pluck him to sell his feathers either.**

Ace: _But you can actually pluck him! The feathers are real and so, so soft!_

Marco: _It hurts like hell when you do that!_

Ace: _Oh, hush._

 **33.) QUIT telling Curiel that you admire his guns in a "suggestive way" ever again. He's still confused.**

Ace: _His face. His face was totally worth it._

Curiel: _I don't understand!_

Vista: _You will when you're older._

Curiel: _I'm almost as old as you Vista!_

 **34.) And STOP telling people that Vista's mustache is evil.**

Ace: _BUT IT IS! It's a classic villain 'stache!_

Vista: _My mustache is most definitely classic, but it is not villainous!_

Ace: _Of course you say that, who would willingly admit to having an evil mustache._

Vista: _I'm going to strangle you!_

 **35.) OR that it's trying to take over the World Government and become the Pirate King.**

Ace: _I firmly believe it is though!_

Vista: _I'm going to end you._

 **36.) QUIT threatening to wax it "to save the world as we know it".**

Ace: _Fine, but don't come crying to me when we are all being forced to obey they evil mustaches._

Jozu: _I think this joke as gone to far..._

Thatch: _Farther than far..._

 **37.) You can NOT offer to "polish" Jozu.**

Ace: _But he needs to look all shiny for battle!_

 **38.) NO more asking him 'what a girl wants' on the idea that he's 'a girl's best friend'.**

Ace: _It's a legit question!_

Jozu: _No, you're just being a smart ass._

 **39.) You may NOT replace all the liquor on board with orange juice or apple juice or any non alcoholic beverage.**

Ace: _Thatch still acted like he was drunk..._

Thatch: _Did not!_

Ace: _Did too!_

Thatch: _Did not!_

Izou: _Enough!_

 **40.) The phrase "liar, liar, pants on fire" is not meant to be taken literally. Stop doing so.**

Ace: _Sorry Blenheim..._

 **41.) The "D" in your name is a NOT an excuse to do idiotic/suicidal/dangerous things.**

Ace: _I believe it is. The "D" is in my blood! I am the "D"! Besides, who doesn't love a "D"?_

Izou: _Oh God..._

 **42.) STOP telling people that it stands for d*ck or any other descriptive/inappropriate words starting with D.**

Ace: _Turns our Namur's a blushing virgin!_

Namur: _Shut up before I eat._

Ace: _Eeep! Save me Pops!_

Pops: _Guararara! You're on your own, my boy._

 **43.) STOP doodling on your crewmates/allies' wanted posters.**

Ace: _I'm improving them!_

Kingdew: _By giving them monocles and mustaches?_

Haruta: _Don't forget the horns!_

 **44.) You can NOT send embarrassing photographs of your crewmates to the guys who print the wanted posters.**

Ace: _Damn it!_

 **45.) QUIT informing bounty hunters of the whereabouts of your enemies. Act like a grown ass man.**

Ace: _This list is getting oddly specific..._

* * *

This is going to be part of a series. I'm doing either Thatch or Izou next. Let me know which one you'd like to see first.


	4. Rules 46-60

**Chapter 4**

 **46.) You are not allowed to drown and scare us all half to death.**

Ace: _It's not like I wanted to drown!_

Curiel: _You willingly jumped in to escape Blenheim._

Ace: _So then it's is fault for making me jump in the water!_

 **47.) You may NOT wave a red cape/red in general in front of Atmos yelling "Torro! Torro!" as if he was an actual bull/buffalo.**

Ace: _I did that ONE time!_

Haruta: _More like five times..._

Ace: _Atmos doesn't mind, do you buddy?_

Atmos: _I am going to kill you._

Ace: _Eeep!_

 **48.) NO MORE giggling like a prepubescent school girl ever again.**

Ace: _Really? This needs to be a rule? What's wrong with it?_

Thatch: _You sound really fucking creepy doing it Ace..._

Ace: _Le gasp! Blasphemy! Blasphemy I tells ya!_

 **49.) You CAN'T clap your hands and squeal loudly when something exciting happens either.**

Ace: _...No comment._

 **50.) You are NOT allowed to steal one of the nurses' uniforms ever again. Curiel actually thought you were one of his nurses and is now traumatized.**

Ace: _I was gonna be a nurse themed stripper though! It's his fault for speaking before looking at my face!_

Curiel: _My fault?!_

Ace: _Mhm, yes it is good sir!_

Curiel: _I am going to blow you to pieces!_

Ace: _Hiding now!_

 **51.) QUIT CROSSDRESSING!**

Ace: _But Izou gets too!_

Marco: _Izou doesn't attempt to give drunk marines lap dances or strip teases, yoi._

Ace: _Point taken..._

 **52.) You can NOT participate in strip poker. You have a horrible poker face and are at a bit of a disadvantage.**

Ace: _I already ain't allowed to go naked anywhere, now I can't even play a game to get naked?! So uncool!_

 **53.) You are hereby BANNED from any and all sugary drinks/food/candy when on board the Moby Dick or allied ships.**

Ace: _Le gasp, le gain. How could you? You guys are ruining my life! I wanna go live with mom!_

Thatch: _Mom? Is he for real? Who even is the mom?_

Izou: _I'm...I'm not sure..._

Marco: _I thinks he's talking about Whitey Bay...The woman babies him._

Whitey: _I can see this too when I come aboard! I do not baby my Acey!_

Izou: _There's proof of the babying..._

Pops: _Guararara!_

 **54.) QUIT putting your food bills on Marco's, or anyone else's for the matter, tabs.**

Ace: _Then who's gonna pay for my meals?_

Marco: _How bout yourself, yoi?_

 **55.) You are NOT allowed to steal Red-Haired Shanks's sake and blame it on Pops**

Ace: _Damn! I was sure I hadn't gotten caught._

Pops: _Next time you do that son, I might just have to throw you overboard._

Ace: _Pops! You wouldn't!_

Pops: _Guararara!_

 **56.) Nor are you allowed to steal Pops sake and blame it on Red-Haired Shanks.**

Ace: _I think I get the point now..._

 **57.) NO MORE prank calling ships.**

Ace: _Now I definitely want to go live with mom! She'd let me!_

 **58.) DO NOT call your grandfather and ask him to come visit again.**

Ace: _Please?_

Marco: _Absolutely not!_

Haruta: _N to the O_

Izou: _No!_

Thatch: _No!_

Pops: _No, my son._

 **59.) QUIT attempting to breed a set of den den mushi because you want a baby den den mushi.**

Ace: _But it worked! I shall call him squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my squishy._

 **60.) STOP standing around shirtless in blizzards.**

Ace: _But..._

Haruta: _Oh God, no._

Thatch: _Don't do it!_

Ace: _The cold never bothered me anyway!_


	5. Rules 60-75

**Chapter 5**

 **61.) You may NOT wander around nude off-ship.**

Ace: _But it gets SO hot!_

Izou: _The heat literally doesn't bother you..._

Ace: _Shush!_

 **62.) NOR may you run around naked on the deck. You scarred poor Haruta and Namur for life.**

Ace: _It's not like they could see my junk! I covered it with my hat!_

Namur: _We still saw way more than we ever wanted too...Watch out for Haruta, he's hunting you down..._

Haruta: _DEATH!_

Ace: _Ummm, I'm gonna need to take a leave of absence Marco..._

Marco: _Denied._

 **63.) You can NOT go into battle in your birthday suit.**

Ace: _But it's the perfect surprise attack! They're too shocked to attack right away!_

Fossa: _And we're too shocked to attack either._

 **64.) Not even on your birthday.**

Ace: _:(_

 **65.) NO MORE visiting enemy ships naked.**

Ace: _But what if I'm visiting a lady friend._

Izou: _NO! We do not need to hear about you're sexual conquests!_

Ace: _Technically you'll be reading it._

Marco: _That's even worse, yoi._

 **66.) YOU ARE NO LONGER PERMITTED TO BE NAKED ANYWHERE BUT THE SHOWERS.**

Ace: _Not even to go skinny dipping?!_

Izou: _Especially not since you. Can. Not. Swim!_

Ace: _That's beside the point!_

 **67.) STOP boasting about your brother to random civilians.**

Ace: _But...but they need to know about how grown up and awesome he is!_

Thatch: _They can read about it in the paper. He's making headlines recently._

Ace: He _is!_

Curiel: Not _again!_

Thatch: _Whoops?_

 **68.) QUIT boasting about your brother to crew mates.**

Ace: _Now you guys are just being mean...What's the point in living if I can't boast about my awesome and cute baby brother?!_

Rakuyo: _How bout you focus on the fact that he's going through puberty and people trying to take advantage of your "cute" baby brother?_

Ace: _WHAT?!_

Marco: _Oh no...Now look what you've done, yoi._

Rakuyo: _I'm sorry?_

 **69.) Just because you don't get sick, DOESN'T mean you should dance in the rain.**

Ace: _I'm trying to please the weather gods!_

Namur: _Weather gods...?_

Ace: _Don't shame my religion!_

 **70.) No laying siege to the kitchen because Thatch won't let you taste test.**

Ace: _It's his fault in the first place. He makes me lay siege, whatever the hell that means, to the kitchen._

Thatch: _My fault?!_

Ace: _Yes!_

Thatch: _Just for that I'm completely cutting you off!_

Ace: _Prepare for war beehive hair!_

Thatch: Did he...Did he just call my hair a bee hive...?

Pops: _I believe so, my son._

Thatch: _Bring it Fire Fist!_

 **71.) Even if you succeed in your siege, you may NOT barricade yourself in the pantry.**

Ace: _The pantry is a spoil of war for me and my fellow soldiers. We shall worship and give thanks to our fallen comrades in their._

Thatch: _I...I don't know weather to kick his ass or to salute him..._

Haruta: _Why not both?_

 **72.) You are FORBIDDEN from using your puppy dog eyes. Izou can't stand up against them and everyone knows it.**

Ace: _Hehe, Izou really can't_

Izou: _I can SO resist his puppy dog eyes._

Marco: _You really can't, yoi._

 **73.) QUIT NIBBLING ON CREW MATES LIKE THEY'RE FOOD!**

Ace: _..._

 **74.) Do NOT yell "Hey, guys! Watch this!", or anything of that nature, ever again.**

Ace: _Stupid...Stupid rule._

 **75.) Being raised by mountain bandits does NOT mean you should show off your exceptionally large swear word vocabulary at every given opportunity.**

Ace: _Ya'll are just jealous that I can make a sailor/pirate blush._

Marco: _No, no we aren't. You traumatized children last time we were on an island. Their mother was not pleased._

Ace: _I know not what you speakith of..._


	6. Rules 76-90

**Chapter 6**

 **76.) NO MORE bringing bizarre/unknown creatures on board whenever we dock at a new island. No matter how cute/cool they are.**

Ace: _But Mr. Tango Mango loves it on board!_

Thatch: _That thing is an evil creature!_

Ace: _He's just trying to make friends, Thatch!_

Thatch: _He tried to eat my hand!_

Ace: _You shouldn't have been in his eating range!_

Thatch: _Are you serious!_

 **77.) DO NOT make them yours, or any other's, division mascot...**

Ace: _But the First and Eighth division get mascots!_

Vista: _Marco and Namur are not mascots, Ace._

Ace: _Says you!_

Marco: _Says everyone, yoi._

Namur: _I will eat you._

 **78.) OR teach them how to chase specific crew mates around.**

Ace: _But it's not like it could catch Jiru!_

Jiru: _That's not the point!_

 **79.) You can not climb Little Oars Jr. like a mountain.**

Ace: _But he finds it fun!_

Marco: _But we don't when we have to fish you out the sea after you fall off._

Ace: _..._

 **80.) He is also NEITHER your hiding spot or your body guard when people are mad at you.**

Ace: _But he's perfect to hide behind!_

Haruta: _You nearly suffocated from hiding in his hair..._

Ace: _Worth it._

 **81.) If you get a thought that makes you laugh for more than 20 seconds, just plain out assume you're NOT allowed to do it.**

Ace: _But that's basically every thought!_

Rakuyo: _We know...Trust me, we know._

 **82.) You are NOT allowed to make suggestions while drunk.**

Ace: _It's not like I get drunk a lot!_

Izou: _That's a lie..._

Ace: _That's gets drunk more than me. And he's worse!_

Thatch: _Hey! That's not true!_

Izou: _That's a lie too._

Thatch: _Whose side are you on, anyways?!_

Izou: _Mine, seeing as I have to deal with both of you drunkards._

Ace+Thatch: _Hey!_

 **83.) You are NOT allowed to get drunk period while on board.**

Ace: _But! This is so uncool!_

 **84.) You may NOT steal shirts because "they're evil".**

Ace: _They are though! Almost as bad as Vista's mustache._

Vista: _Not this again..._

 **85.) Do NOT** **dump stolen sleeping pills, or any other type of drug/narcotic, into the communal coffee pot.**

Ace: _That was once..._

Izou: _Ahem._

Ace: _Okay, maybe more than once. But it was funny as hell, especially when he fell off the mast._

Marco: _You have extra watch duty tonight._

Ace: _Sorry...?_

Marco: _Too late._

 **86.) Do NOT switch the coffee to decaf. Marco's out for blood now.**

Ace: _Can I break rule #80 now...?_

Jozu: _No._

Ace: _Please?_

Marco: _You can't hide from me Fire Fist._

Ace: _Ack!_

 **87). NOR may you switch it to espresso.**

Ace: _Yeah...That was a huge mistake I made. Sorry Haruta..._

 **88.) You can NOT spike the coffee.**

Ace: _Another, although hilarious, mistake on my part._

Izou: _Oh, you don't say?_

 **89.) You are NOT allowed to hide, or hold hostage, the milk, sugar and creamer.**

Ace: _Apparently Marco drowns his with all three._

Marco: _I do not!_

Thatch: _Uh, you kinda do._

Marco: _Zip it._

 **90.) STOP staring, deep in thought, for hours on end while occasionally giggling.**

Ace: _It's funny how scared you guys gets though. Hehe._

Atmos: _To you, maybe._


	7. Rule 91-105

**Chapter 7**

 **91.) You may not get caught by marines or bounty hunters.**

Ace: _It's not like I intentionally get caught!_

 **92.) No, not even by beautiful, half-naked women.**

Ace: _I will admit that time it was intentional._

Kingdew: _We know. you and Curiel are impossible sometimes._

Curiel: _Hey! The Kuja weren't too mean and cruel to us. We had fun!_

Ace: _Yeah! Despite nearly getting castrated!_

Namur: _I...I don't even know what to say...Marco, help?_

Marco: _No comment..._

 **93.) You can read. You must NOT pretend otherwise.**

Ace: _Well, when I first joined I couldn't read. Marco actually taught me._

Fossa: _But now you can, quit being lazy. No one wants to read to you._

Ace: _But you guys!_

Marco: _No, just no._

 **94.) Marco is not a giant chicken/pigeon/any other bid besides a phoenix. STOP calling him one.**

Ace: _I beg to differ yet again._

Marco: _..._

 **95.) You are NOT allowed set your hair and body on fire, then run screaming through a quiet village.**

Ace: _But it was funny..._

Izou: _Not to those poor villages._

 **96.) You CAN'T befriend a cult and bring Thatch or Haruta to a ritual.**

Ace: _So mean!_

Blenheim: _Mean?! Why does this even need to be a rule Ace._

Ace: _..._

 **97.) You are NOT allowed to sacrifice your crew mates during said cult ritual.**

Ace: _Fair 'nuff_

Thatch: _What is wrong with you?!_

Haruta: _How could you?!_

Marco: _You might want to break rule #80 now._

 **98.) QUIT referring to yourself as 'Fire Crotch'.**

Ace: _Put it's gonna be my new nickname! Instead of 'Fire Fist', I shall now be known as 'Fire Crotch'!_

Everyone: _NOO!_

Pops: _Guararararara!_

 **99.) NO MORE letting people roast chestnuts over ANY part of your body.**

Ace: _Even my -_

Izou: _NO! No one needs to even read that!_

Ace: _Why must you cross out my words Izy...? *insert pouty face*_

Izou: _No one needs to know what you wrote!_

 **100.) QUIT trying to give the cooks tips on how to appropriately cook human beings.**

Ace: _But I have some VERY good recipes!_

Thatch: _BUT WHY?!_

Ace: _If I told you, then I'd have to kill you._

Thatch: _Eep! I can't tell if you're serious or not!_

Ace: _Good._

 **101.) STOP attempting to make a religion based on Hedonism.**

Ace: _But I already got a few people to join! I have a list of their names and everything!_

Marco: _Izou...why?_

Izou: _Don't shame my religion, Marco._

 **102.) DO NOT attempt to become said religion's minister.**

Ace: _But it's my religion!_

 **103.) NO making any form of religion.**

Ace: _I am entitled to my own religion!_

Haruta: _Yeah, when that religion makes sense._

Ace: _Touché._

 **104.) QUIT stealing all linen on board to make a giant pillow and blanket fort.**

Ace: _None of you are allowed in Fort Fire Crotch then!_

Marco: _Enough with the Fire Crotch nonsense, Ace!_

 **105.) STOP teaming up with Thatch to make said forts.**

Ace: _But he's my co-general!_

Thatch: _You can't do this to us!_

Namur: _They just did..._

Ace+Thatch: _Damn you!_


	8. Rules 106-120

**Chapter 8**

 **106.) NO buying coffins just to fall asleep in them on deck. Poor Haruta was in tears.**

Ace: _That...That was a very bad prank._

Haruta: _You think, you numbskull?!_

Ace: _It was funny until you started crying...I'm sorry..._

Haruta: _NOT FORGIVEN!_

 **107.) NO 'rising from the dead'.**

Ace: _Yeah...Thatch is still carrying around a cross and holy water._

Thatch: _Damn right I am!_

 **108.) NO more 'learning while doing'.**

Ace: _Then how else am I supposed to learn how to work something?_

Izou: _Oh, I don't know...MAYBE ASK?_

Ace: _Asking is overrated._

Izou: _Seriously?!_

 **109.) STOP asking people where your dignity is...It's definitely long gone and no one will ever be able to help you find it.**

Ace: _I actually got Jiru to help look...I kinda feel bad..._

 **110.) According to the nurses and Curiel, you have NO allergies. So STOP traumatizing the fourth division into thinking they killed you.**

Ace: _Their faces are priceless though!_

Thatch: _How bout we just stop feeding you?_

Ace: _You can't do that!_

Thatch: _Watch me._

Ace: _Pops?!_

Pops: _Resolve this yourselves, my sons._

 **111.) You are also NOT allergic to any form of paperwork.**

Ace: _Says you!_

Curiel: _Says everyone!_

 **112.) Sexual favors are NOT a valid form of payment.**

Ace: _You'd be surprised how many people agree and take me up on it._

Thatch: _Teach?_

Ace: _Teach._

 **113.) IOUs do NOT count either.**

Ace: _Those don't work as well as offering sex, hmm..._

Namur: _Oh Gods._

Izou: _Ace, no._

Ace: _Ace, yes._

 **114.) You can NOT take a vow of celibacy and then slap someone when they touch you.**

Ace: _But they were assaulting me!_

Jiru: _All I did was pat your shoulder..._

 **115.) You are NOT a dog, QUIT fighting with Stefan for Pops' attention.**

Ace: _That dog is going down!_

Stefan: _Arf! Arf!_

Marco: _Did one of you really write for Stefan...?_

Thatch: _Nooooo..._

Pops: _Guararara!_

 **116.) Marco is NOT your common sense, babysitter, keeper, ect.**

Ace: _But he's soooo good at it!_

Marco: _I just...I don't know anymore with you..._

 **117.) Do NOT use Marco's absence as a good reason why you do idiotic things.**

Ace: _But if he's not there, then who's gonna stop me?_

Haruta: _How bout you just think before you act?_

Ace: _Too much work._

Rakuyo: _Is he for real?_

Blamenco: _I...am unsure..._

 **118.) No matter how hard you try, you are male and do NOT get "that time of the month".**

Ace: _Anything is possible!_

Curiel: _...Does simple biology not register in your mind, bro?_

Ace: _Simple what? I've never heard of whatever biology is._

Curiel: _*insert sigh* Come by my room and I'll explain it._

 **119.) QUIT throwing apples at Curiel and his nurses whenever it's time for your physical.**

Ace: _Well, you know the saying..._

Curiel: DO NOT!

Izou: _Ace, he may just kill you._

Ace: _...An apple a day keeps the doctor away._

Curiel: _I am going to murder him._

 **120.) "Borrowing things" does NOT mean to keep them indefinitely.**

Ace: _I know not what you mean..._

Atmos: _I'm waiting._

Ace: _Bye!_


	9. Rules 121-135

**Chapter 9**

 **121.) You are NOT allowed to steal the nurses's 'unmentionables'.**

Ace: _I didn't!_

Curiel: _You did!_

Ace: _When?!_

Curiel: _I literally caught you sneaking out of their quarters._

Ace: _Okay then..._

 **122.) NOR are you allowed to replace their shampoo with hair dye. Especially since they have access to many poisonous things.**

Ace: _Big mistake..._

Marco: _You think?_

Ace: _Yes...I think..._

 **123.) QUIT calling in fake tips to the marines.**

Ace: _I'm just trying to help them out and liven up their dull days._

Kingdew: _The last tip wasn't even fake! You almost got the Decalvan Brothers caught!_

Ace: _They know what they did._

 **124.) You will END your nudist colony in the first division bathrooms.**

Ace: _You can't take our liberty!_

Marco: _Why couldn't you do it in the second division bathrooms?!_

Ace: _First division was larger._

Marco: _Get out of them!_

Izou: _Quit trying to silence our civilization Marco!_

Marco: _Izou...why...?_

 **125.) QUIT trying to guess people's sexuality...**

Ace: _Yeah...I figured I should after that hit._

Thatch: _Izou has quite the right hook, doesn't he?_

Ace: _Yeah..._

 **126.) STOP telling Izou that pink and purple aren't his colors.**

Ace: _I really think he looks better in orange though!_

Namor: _I hate to get in the middle of this, but I highly disagree. Purple and pink look a lot better on him._

Izou: _Thank you, Namor._

Pops: _Izou looks amazing in anything he wears._

Izou: _*insert teary face* Thanks Pops!_

 **127.) QUIT replacing Izou's wardrobe with everything orange.**

Ace: _When he found out..._

Thatch: _Oooh, what did he do? I want to know._

Ace: _I don't want to talk about it..._

Izou: _;)_

 **128.) NO juggling Thatch's favorite china.**

Ace: _I thought I could do it._

Thatch: _Why did you use MY CHINA though?!_

 **129.) OR his, Haruta, Vista, Atmos, and Fossa's swords.**

Ace: _I'm gonna be the best sword juggler in the world._

Marco: _Ace, no._

Ace: _Ace, yes!_

 **130.) NO putting melted marshmallows in Marco's books.**

Ace: _..._

 **131.) NOR can you put it on your paperwork and blame someone else. We know.**

Ace: _Damn it!_

 **132.) STOP trying to pull things out of Blamenco's chin pockets. It only works for him.**

Ace: _I will find what you hide in there._

Blamenco: _Over my dead body._

Ace: _Bring it._

Blamenco: _It's brung._

 **133.) Just like how Marco is NOT a chicken, Curiel is NOT a watermelon.**

Ace: _Then explain that hat!_

Curiel: _It's called fashion!_

Ace: _Izou?_

Izou: _Fashion? No, absolutely not._

Curiel: _:'(_

 **134.) You may NOT attempt to seduce ANYONE. It's unnerving when it works.**

Ace: _You're all just jealous of my charm. ;)_

Marco: _What charm?_

Ace: _Go away Marco!_

 **135.) You can NOT cut your crewmmates' hair when they are sleeping.**

Ace: _I thought Thatch would appreciate it._

Thatch: _You are dead, you are so dead!_

Ace: _Goodbye cruel world._


	10. Rules 136-150

**Chapter 10**

 **136.) You may NOT wake ANYONE up and claim that the 'baby is crying'.**

Ace: He ALWAYS falls for it!

Namur: _IT'S NOT FUNNY!_

Haruta: _It lightens up the night shift._

Namur: _Haruta, why?_

 **137.) NOR may you watch and laugh as they actually get up to check on it.**

Ace: _But it's funny!_

Namur: _Is not!_

 **138.) You are NOT allowed ANYWHERE NEAR the kitchens.**

Ace: _CRUELTY! ABUSE!_

Thatch: _You. Set. My. Kitchen. On. FIRE!_

Ace: _Oh...right. Fair enough, I guess._

 **139.) STOP walking away and pretending not to hear when someone talks to you.**

Ace: _It gets them to leave me alone._

Marco: _Stop it._

Ace: _No._

Marco: _Yes._

Ace: _Fine..._

 **140.) STOP proposing to random village girls. The last one was determined.**

Ace: _So. Many. Dresses._

Izou: _I hope you learned your lesson._

Ace: _I did...I really did..._

 **141.) NO MORE referring to Whitey Bay as 'Mum', 'Mummy', 'Mother Dearest', OR ANY related name.**

Ace: _MUM!_

Whitey Bay: _You can call me whatever you want, honey._

Marco: _You really aren't helping matters._

White Bay: _Leave him alone._

 **142.) You will STOP drinking while on duty.**

Ace: _Heh. 'Duty', heheh._

 **143.) ENOUGH quoting cheesy romance scenes you read.**

Ace: _Some people don't appreciate good literature._

 **144.) AS WELL as descriptive sexual scenes.**

Ace: _Okay. You may have a point._

 **145.) STOP using you're newfound knowledge of reading for evil.**

Ace: _NEVER!  
_

Rakuyo: _Someone. Anyone, gag him please._

Ace: _Run, run as fast as you can. You'll NEVER CATCH ME! I'm the gingerbread man!_

Jiru: _STOP HIM!_

 **146.) QUIT calling Namur (or ANY fishman) Sharkboy and Akainu Lava Girl.**

Ace: _They love it._

Vista: _Wait till Akainu finds out._

 **147.) STOP telling people to 'get a room'.**

Ace: _Tell them to stop the PDA then!_

 **148.) NO MORE using Pops's name in vain!**

Ace: _By Whitebeard, you are going to far!_

Pops: _Guarararara!_

 **149.) NO taking life assurance out on Marco. It doesn't work.**

Ace: _Marco, why can't you just die and make me rich?!_

Marco: _What is WRONG with you, oi?!_

 **150.) You will NOT break the fourth wall.**

Ace: _But the viewers love it. I mean, they like Deadpool for it enough._

Thatch: _Yeah, but we're supposed to be unaware anime character._

Ace: _Good point._

* * *

 ** _A/N : Finally done. I may do another one for Ace with more rules, but only after I do a few more characters. Sometime after this, I'm going to be working on a new part: 150 Things Thatch is NOT allowed to do, so keep an eye out for it. It may be awhile, I'm going to finish and work on some other fanfics of mine in the meantime._**


End file.
